You deserve the golden hour
- Mary-Jane Alicia
- May 7, 2023
- 5 min read
When I was pregnant, especially during my third trimester, I thought about birth endlessly. I dreamt and fantasised of the way my birth would be and how I wanted to bring my baby earthside. I made lists of keywords and phrases that had grown to mean so much to me, along with little download-able images describing my preferences that would make for a more concise read on the front of my birth-plan. I was invested and so excited; I couldn't wait for this experience. Within the pages of my preferences I had detailed the importance of our golden hour. I knew all the benefits and significance it had for bonding and breastfeeding and it felt like another aspect to birthing 'right'; bringing my child into the world the 'right' way. This was a theme throughout my birth-plan, honestly. I wanted a natural birth, few interventions and to labour at home for as long as possible and because I believed that this was the right way to do things, I realise now I probably- subconsciously- put unnecessary pressure on myself. As a birth worker I understand why those choices matter but feeling passionately about them didn't change the fact that I did not have the birth experience I wanted. After I had given birth I truly realised the value of the golden hour.
I had wanted the golden hour to bond, so that my breastfeeding journey could get off to the best start; so that my baby could feel calm and comforted. I knew the sort of parent I wanted to be and this was something that fit into that. Responsive, gentle, biologically normal, natural parenting. During pregnancy it was a checklist item for my baby's well-being and the final element of my birth plan that would close my 'perfect' birth experience. I didn't expect that it would rather feel like my last chance to salvage some part of my story.
For those of you who have read my birth story you are well aware that my birth was not as I had expected or hoped. There are still memories of that day that pop into my mind and cause heart-ache. Reflecting on it now I realise that the golden hour saved me from a lot more of that heartache and still now provides a sense of closure. My memory of it is somewhat hazy and my daughter was very sleepy after her traumatic entrance but for a few hours, lay in dim lighting and without healthcare providers or medical staff to be seen, I was salvaging the final part of my birth plan.
I was well, my baby was well and, although the events leading up to us being there together had been a far stray from what I had wanted, I was now able to do something 'right'. I did something right for my baby that actually turned out to mean just as much to me; I realise now that this time was healing or at the very least protective. It couldn't turn back the clocks and make me a better advocate for myself or make me better prepared, it couldn't take words and phrases out of midwives' mouths, it couldn't un-do the episiotomy I had endured but it was time that protected me from further trauma and allowed me a happier outlook of my birth.
As a pregnant person you will no doubt hear about the gravity of a golden hour. How good it is for your baby and how much you absolutely should do it. You'll likely hear of how your baby will have breathed air for the first time, seen artificial light and heard an array of loud noises and voices they do not recognise. This is all true; they will experience something wildly different to the warm, dark comfort of the womb and hear sounds far less soothing that your muffled heartbeats. That's why early feeds and skin-to-skin and quiet time with your newborn when possible is so incredible and beneficial to them. In a world so detached from nature it is reassuring to see healthcare providers sharing this information; I'd find it even more wonderful if we changed the tone of the conversation from mostly discussing what should be done, to what parent and baby deserve.
You deserve an hour at the very least to rest with your baby. You're entitled to this time with your child immediately after birth unless it is absolutely medically necessary to postpone it. In those cases you deserve support and communication. Amongst all the information shared about this hour, it's also important to remind parents that missing out on this time does not mean the deprivation of a bond with their baby. Your baby is not a duck and they're not going to lose all connection to you if you're not the first person they come into contact with, they're a human being and your bond with them has already started in pregnancy. Of course if you can share that time almost immediately after birth then that's preferable, however if you really have to wait you can still enjoy some skin-to-skin, a feed and alone time when it's safe to do so. It won't make or break your life-long relationship.
The golden hour can feel like some sort of magic and I know I'm not alone in thinking this. Time spent alone after birth, however it may look for you is a moment of calm and it truly shows the connection between parent and baby and how the biological norm sustains us. Skin-to-skin helps regulate baby's temperature, helps with their breathing and has shown to be a key facilitator in breastfeeding¹ After such an experience for both mother and baby, sharing that time together is a beautiful way to recharge. Holding that space to look at your baby, breathing them in, marvelling at the small person you have created is time you are truly worthy of. Although it's great that we have such knowledge available to us, there shouldn't actually need to be recognised health benefits for parents to be granted a golden hour. The advancements in our understanding of skin-to-skin does mean that we can progress past babies being routinely snatched away immediately after birth, and we can take steps away from birth practices that mirror society's obsession with individualism and detachment, but really that would just be going back to the way things were before modern gynaecology. There doesn't need to be proof that this is beneficial or discussion as to whether or not it's actually vital. It's important because it matters to mother and baby, whether they perceived their birth experience to be traumatic or wholesome.
The golden hour is for you and whatever it means to you, whatever it may soothe within you and whatever it may look like for you and your family, it is your time and you and your baby deserve it.
TW, Disclaimer: this post is relating to circumstances in which both birthing parent and baby are alive during this time; this does not negate the fact that people still deserve this time in different circumstances and in their own way.
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