'I tried to breastfeed but my baby just wasn't having it.' How many times are we going to hear this?

Depression comes when mothers don't reach their goals. If you set out with the intention to formula feed and that was an informed decision, you will be comfortable with your choice. The same goes for if you intended to combi-feed. A mothers' mental health takes the hit when she has a goal and doesn't reach it due to lack of support or misinformation.

At the beginning of my breastfeeding journey when I was finding it difficult, I remember thinking that if it's natural to breastfeed it shouldn't be this hard; it shouldn't be something I needed to figure out or learn how to do. It should have just been instinctive and, since it wasn't, there must have been a problem. I felt this way despite having a much better support system in place than others do. I was more knowledgeable about breastfeeding than many other first-time mums and I still had these doubts. I hear it all the time from mothers that breastfeeding just didn't 'click' for them and so they had no choice but to transition to formula, followed by responses of 'support' informing that mum that plenty of people can't breastfeed and how it's actually really difficult for most and just not meant to be; so 'don't force it'.

Of course these comments are usually well meaning. Many parents have been in the same boat and know the feeling of failure or being let down and it doesn't feel helpful to provide actual information- information that could make this particular mum feel as though she was misinformed and had lost out unfairly. Unfortunately though that misinformation is overheard by mums-to-be, it lingers in the comment sections of thousands of advice-seeking posts left for others to read. It perpetuates the misconceptions already burdening so many parents and babies; misconceptions that a £50 billion global formula industry has already done its best to establish.

These comments are made under the impression that they're harmless. They are made solely with the aim of comforting and reassuring someone, however it's rarely ever just one mum you're talking to. Even if just in her company, you're passing on falsehoods that she will then impart on her new-mum friends.

I think many of these responses are coming from the assumption that breastfeeding already has so much support, and so they're simply speaking on behalf of the marginalized movement and the mothers who find themselves there. For many, this belief will come from feeling as though breastfeeding was heavily promoted during their pregnancy; it doesn't take into account all the external advertisement, just hospital posters and leaflets from midwives. However if there really is so much information being given to us in pregnancy, why is it that so many new mums don't even know the basics? Why do so many of us enter motherhood believing that breastfeeding can fail this often and this easily?

Growing up and pre-pregnancy I heard very little about breastfeeding. In fact I heard different variations of the same two points:

1. Breastfeeding is gross unless baby is under a few months old and is fed in a dark room where nobody else can see you, and

2. Many people wanted to breastfeed but it 'didn't work for them'

The reasons for the unsuccessful outcome of breastfeeding journeys often followed the same suit: baby wouldn't latch, baby was starving, it hurt too much and sometimes the milk made baby sick. These weren't rare cases either, most adults that I heard speak about breastfeeding spoke of how it simply did not work for them which meant switching to formula was the only option.

Now, of course there will be circumstances in which that change to formula is necessary but it's still true that far too many parents are being misled. And that is what it comes down to: misinformation and pressure. If you are told that your child is starving, if they show signs of wanting to feed constantly and you've never even heard the term 'cluster feeding' muttered then naturally you are going to do what's advised to literally save your baby's life. The formula industry preys on the anxieties of new parents and they get away with it because the people who should be offering support are either quiet on it or worse, facilitating it.

I would argue that breastfeeding is not being 'pushed' nearly as much as people think it is. Breastmilk is an incredible food source yet breastfeeding statistics are exceptionally low, even though many mothers who end up formula feeding actually started out wanting to breastfeed. However I'm not advocating for a pushier regime in the offices of midwives, I am advocating for information. ALL information; not just the parts we find desirable (and not just a tiny leaflet with boobs on it and a few bullet points about the benefits). Parents deserve to be informed and then whatever decision they make from there we can usually trust has been made with a clear understanding of the facts and their own circumstances. So why are we not offering this information? Why are pregnant people going to see their midwives every few weeks and still don't know that colostrum is breastmilk? Still don't know about different latches and still think that breastmilk is made from the contents of their stomachs and not blood? Something is wrong. It seems that many of the medical professionals we rely on during pregnancy care about breastfeeding just enough to shame us if we don't succeed, but not enough to actually support us in achieving it. I'd argue the fault does not rest with them though. Midwives have enough to do and most are not even trained in breastfeeding support, but why are pregnant people not being directed towards that support and told how important that truly is?

The west are very loud when it comes to protesting their 'support' for breastfeeding. The UK in particular loves to claim itself as a very pro-breastfeeding nation, however with only 1% of babies still being exclusively breastfed at 6 months that stance is questionable. Although blame for this is laid at the feet of overwhelmed, stressed out mums we should remember that, under capitalism, people will always come after profit. Formula companies supposedly have restrictions placed upon them to ensure the protection of breastfeeding, however these are minimal and rarely enforced- violations are common. Companies put a little footnote on advertisements about how breastmilk is the best food for babies and supermarkets don't reduce first stage formula; we're hardly going above and beyond to ensure the opportunity to breastfeed is attainable. Attempting to make formula less accessible is not the same as making breastfeeding more achievable.

It may appear that 'lactavists' are everywhere nowadays, shoving their agenda down your throats but, in a society where motherhood is only beneficial if commercially driven, being informed about our decisions, having the confidence and strength to nourish our babies for free and remembering that we are enough as we are- without the need of expensive equipment or sleep aids or top-ups- is an act of revolution. The truth is, like with many things in parenting and life, breastfeeding is a learning curve. And yes, for some people it might just be great from the get go but for a lot of us we have to learn how to do it. We have to learn how to help baby with a latch that's comfortable for us and we have to find a position that works for us, especially because human breasts differ greatly in size and shape. We have to learn what's normal and what's not in a society where formula is the ordinary and where, as stated above, even medical professionals and midwives may not know much about breastfeeding.

Throughout my entire parenting journey my daughter and I are (and will be) learning together. Breastfeeding is just one of those things we had to learn and, although it is natural to breastfeed, it is also natural to learn with your baby and needing to do so doesn't mean you're failing or should just throw the towel in if you don't want to. New parents deserve support- real support and real information so that they can make decisions they are truly comfortable with. We can't possibly ignore the many mothers pouring their hearts out over the fact that breastfeeding just didn't work for them. If breastfeeding 'failed' as often as western culture would have us believe, the human race would have died out a long time ago.

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